“They may not understand. But I tell people, ‘I don't want you to understand me.’ I don't understand me. But if you can relate to me, then that furthers our conversation—the relatedness,” said Farron Dozier on his experience with PTSD.
Farron Dozier, former sergeant first class in the US Army, sat down with Drug Topics in an exclusive interview to discuss his experience with PTSD and how veterans commonly deal with it.
In this portion of our discussion, Dozier dives deep into his experience with PTSD and his fellow veterans’ experiences. He also discussed the role of the Office of Veteran’s Affairs (VA) in helping veterans deal with PTSD and other misconceptions about resources available for veterans to access this help.
Dozier dives deep into his experience with PTSD and his fellow veterans’ experiences. | image credit: Nomad_Soul / stock.adobe.com
Drug Topics: Have you talked to other US veterans with PTSD? And were there experiences similar or different from yours?
Farron Dozier: Ultimately, they're all very similar. I'm not a combat vet, so that level of PTSD is totally different. What people don't understand is that we do train for combat. So there is a part of that that our brains are already hardwired for that preparation. But for those of my brothers and sisters who actually experienced that, yeah, I can't speak to that.
But a lot of it, when you really talk to veterans about the PTSD and the sense of belonging is something that I [discovered], like we miss that camaraderie. We miss that our identity, being inside of that uniform, and inside of that brotherhood and sisterhood. So, a lot of it, from what I hear, is connected to that sense of belonging most ultimately.
Drug Topics: In your experience and talking to fellow veterans, what do you think are the best ways of treating PTSD?
Farron Dozier: I tell my veteran community: first, you’ve got to be willing. You’ve got to be willing to look at it first. I was in denial for a long time. My friends saw it, but I didn't see it. And so, it's that ability to tell the truth to yourself, and that, to me, that's the first step. If you can do that, and be honest with yourself, and admit to yourself that “I'm not well, and I'm dealing with something,” then you're able to find that support and find that help. It took me a long time for me to get to that point. But like I said, once I found another piece of existence, it really helps.
We do talk about that, especially going to the VA. But there's already an inherited conversation of how we get treated at the VA. A lot of us, especially the younger generation, we don't even want to be involved in that because there's so many different stories [with negative context], “they’re not going to take care of you,” all these different things that come with just saying the VA, and the emotional charges that come with that. So how can you be open to go to a place where you are already afraid of, that you may not even be taken care of, or even taken [seriously]? Because a lot of it is invisible.
People look at me like, “Oh, you're fine,” but my mind is 5 years in the future worrying about tomorrow if you don't understand that. And so, in sharing my story and sharing information like that, I speak to that so people can look in their own life and see what [that is] for. But also, you can't deny that some of the mental health aspects of it are chemically imbalanced. Some people do need drugs and medication to help sustain and maintain that. But for people like myself, like I said, I had a level of mental toughness and I just knew that my mind was stronger than that. It was just something that I had never experienced and it kind of set me on the edge.
Drug Topics: You mentioned the VA. Are there common misconceptions about how the VA helps veterans deal with their PTSD after they serve?
Farron Dozier: It wasn't until a couple years back now that I gave in and I went to do the cognitive behavior mental health course. [It] truly, truly was a blessing because it helped me understand how my thoughts were, and how exaggerated my thoughts were, and how some of those conversations in my mind were so continuous. [Go] to the VA for sure; I totally recommend it after my own personal experience. But like I said, for the first, probably 10 years or so, I wouldn't even step foot in there.
[And] not being a combat veteran; so now you're looking at that. It’s like, “Where am I going to fit in? If I'm a circle, am I going to fit into one of their programs that’s a square?” But then, also for myself, I dealt with survivor's guilt because I wanted to go over there, and then I lost friends over there, and then I have friends who committed suicide after serving. So, then you live with that because you didn't get a chance to go there when you train for your whole life for that. So, the mental health aspect of it is so many layers. It's not always just a combat type of PTSD.
Drug Topics: What advice would you give to current US veterans experiencing PTSD?
Farron Dozier: My current advice would be, again, tell the truth to yourself. Even in the military, we get a lot of training around mental health. But we have to also pass that to our family, because family needs to be able to pay attention to the stress, signs, and the symptoms as well. So, I would encourage my veteran community, my brothers and sisters, to tell the truth to yourself, and then share that information with your family so that they can be taken care of. And again, it takes the same courage that we chose to serve this country with, and the confidence to then take care of ourselves. And that's one of the biggest things that I found for myself was to restore that confidence in that area that I didn't have it back into the government system, the VA system, to take care of me.
And what I will tell them as well, they have a lot of patience. I had to give my doctor compassion because he has 1500 patients he sees, and to understand that I can't get in there to see him when I want to, what I noticed was my fear of dying at home. So I advocate with a community that has sickle cell, and they go to a hospital for the disease, and they don't want to die in the emergency room. Well, I don't want to die at home, because if I'm not feeling well, I'm not in a good space, and I can't get to the VA, then what do I do? Then you have that to deal with.
So, I tell that to my brothers and sisters, there's a level of patience we have to have, but also that confidence to not give up, to seek that help. And if you can't get it from there, please go to your family because your family loves you. And they may not understand. But I tell people, “I don't want you to understand me.” I don't understand me. But if you can relate to me, then that furthers our conversation, right? The relatedness. And so I preach that [and] I teach that to have that relatedness for one another as well.
Stay tuned for a full-length version of Drug Topics’ discussion with Farron Dozier. And just in case you missed it, check out the first part of our Q&A series with Dozier.
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